Emotions of a Hunter

If you are a girl, looking for a guy and require an emotional attachment from him, then please don't choose a guy who hunts.  Just a wild speculation but I'm confident I'm on to something here.

Please follow my thought.

I base this consideration on my personal experience and now looking back into many years of relationships.  One thing in common with the men who've seemed less emotionally attached are the men who've hunted.

What's the deal with a hunter?  I'll tell you the deal.

Hunters learn at an early age by instruction of an elder to suck it up.  Naturally, kids love animals but to hunt you have to bury that love, the empathetic love down deep in the back of the heart.

Why?

Well, it is one thing to be able to look into the eye of a deer through a scope of a rifle and pull the trigger, 50-100 yards away.  If the gunman looks too long or hesitates in any way, he will not shoot.  He's looked too long and an emotional attachment has spoken and won the hunter's heart.  In order to be a successful shooter, you must spot, set your sites and shoot without hesitation.

That is the first part, there's another.

The next part is the hard part, the true test to the hunter's heart.

The hunter must confront the dead animal.  He loads the animal onto his truck bed and then transports it to the skinning location.  He hangs it by it's rear end.  He cuts its throat and drains the blood from the animal.  He uses a knife and skins the animal, pulling every piece of skin off its body, exposing the underneath muscle, ligaments and bones and even more blood.  He proceeds to cut the animal into bits for consumption.  He'll even remove the head and save it as a trophy.

This isn't a natural, easy task.  Any boy learning to hunt had to learn how to bury the emotion that makes you sick to read about the process.

Mentally, put yourself at the side of the hunter and take the knife from his hands to do this task on your own, or mentally, stand by his side and watch as the hunter does it.

Think about your ability to hunt in the way I've described and compare it to the emotions of love for your spouse/partner.

As I compare my experiences with the hunter I've described and the emotional attachment received from past boyfriends, it becomes clear to me why they can seem emotionally disconnected, they're rough in the heart and calloused seeming.

I believe when the child learning to hunt buried the emotional attachment to animals, he learned to bury it in every way; he hardened his heart.

This doesn't mean the hunter doesn't love or that he won't love but I do believe the emotional nurturing from him will be lacking.  He will not cry when you break up with him, he's learned how to be hardened to hurt.

When the BUT Shows Up

Paul and I ended our relationship this week- last year... the first time ending it.

I stood up for what I believed in and he got all mad and quit talking to me.

Before that night, Paul was my dream guy:

1)  He traveled (so he wasn't up my rear 24/7)

2)  He was a service person- meaning he did stuff for me and doers are very important because if you are going to come close to winning my heart, you must be able to show me (naturally) that you can take care of my family and me.

3)  He was FUN to be around- it was like my tomboy childhood hanging out with my daddy.  I had all kinds of respect for this guy.
4)  He farmed.  Gave us beef... all about non grocery store cuts :)
5)  He was into being self sufficient.  I was too.  and we would dream build together.
6)  He was so pleasing to look at, took my breath away the first time we met (after 15 years... we went to high school together).

Paul was my fantasy come true.  Until he showed me that "BUT."  "But," you ask? 

If you don't know what I mean by that, this is where you see it:  It appears in these statements:  "I like everything about him but....."

But means there's something about him that doesn't suit your fancy and Paul showed it to me.

Sometimes BUTS are okay and I'll give you some examples:

A)  I like him BUT he drives a Toyota

B)  He looks good BUT he needs a haircut

You get the point?  The BUTS that are okay are the ones you don't mind tolerating; not the ones he wants you to accept.

We all have BUTS.  We all have to learn to accept people even with their differences. 
Just do not ever accept it because he forces you too.

Love yourself first.  If he leaves because of your values- let him.  No matter how much it hurts.

This is very hard advice because I grieved losing him.  I hated myself, even for standing up about the "issue."

BUT by doing so I learned another BUT... I wanted to work things out BUT he ignored me for 4 months.........

There are ALWAYS going to be BUTS.  Count on it.

Dating Do Nots

I had a difficult time naming this entry because this isn't necessarily a guide to catching a keeper.
It's a "How to Behave" type of entry.

Step outside the box just for a minute and reflect on your behavior in your current courtship, but first, let us look at the facts:

1. You have children

2. You work to provide

3. You are rearing them

4. You cook

5. You have a house

6. You do the laundry, yard work, dishes, clean toilets and floors and take the trash to the dump and even fix crap you despise fixing simply because you have no choice.

7. You pay your bills- on time/ late but you stress and aim to do it- because you have to.

8. I could go on and on

When everything is quiet, you read when you can, watch movies, paint your nails, take a hot steamy baths and go shopping... when you can and if you can afford to... Sometimes, you want a man. Of course! Look at what all is going on! You're alone! Imagine the stress from the list above you could cross out if only you had that partner in life.

So what do you do? This is what you SHOULD NOT DO!!! Don't woo him, flatter him and beg him to be your man. Don't wait for him, caress him and tell him how bad you want him. Why?

I wrote another piece on this- read it- Leader of the Pack

We're all animals on this earth. You are the alpha female. He should pick you out, woo you, flatter you and beg you to be his woman. He should adore you so much that he just can't rest without knowing he'll be taking care of your kids and you.

You have everything in your world. Let him prove himself- and don't go committing your destiny to this guy if he hasn't proved to be the following: to be big enough, strong enough, friendly enough, and smart enough to be the leader of your pack.

Do not chase the man.  Do not invite him out.  Do not ask him to stay. Do not be waiting for him.  Do not stop your routines because you meet someone new.  Do not REARRANGE your calendar or stop everything for HIM.

UNLESS you meet this criteria right here---> you are homeless.

I thought I was done but I must put this out there. If you are single and dating...if you have a home, a job, a car- KEEP THEM! They go by another name- Independence.  Do not drop everything you have in life to be "kept" because at that point- he owns you. DUH.

If you are not married, he should NEVER co sign... on anything. If you can't get it on your own, you don't need it.

We are Wolves!

It's easy to understand families when you learn to understand wolves.  It may also help in the dating world because it's apparent that men and women alike tend to forget their place.  When you know your place, you'll know what you're looking for. I'm sharing the wolves information as taken from another blog, Terrierman's Daily Dose for my comparison.  Do read on!!!

This is describing the make up of a wolf pack- which I compare to human family:

You see, a wolf pack is made up of a single dominant male, a single dominate female, and several satellite females, generally from previous whelps. Male wolves are driven out around or by 18 months of age because by then, the young males of these respective species are big enough to hunt on their own and yet they are also beginning to become potential rivals for females. The top male cannot have that.

It is suppose to work this way in the human world too.  Father, mother, children.  They should leave the home.  period.

Reiterating that you need to prepare your children to be adults.  They must leave the home:

Dominance creates wolf packs and dominance maintains wolf packs. The driving out of adolescent males is at the core of how wolf packs are created and maintained. This is dominance. And it is Wolf Pack 101.

And here's the human mama- she's wolf like too:

What about females? The female wolves in a wolf pack also have their dominance issues. You see with wolves, there may be many mature females in the pack, but there will almost always be only one female who will come into estrus, be mated, and whelp.


How it works.... Pay attention ladies!
How is that "top female" determined? Well, the male picks her, of course (or vice versa if the pack has lost its alpha male). The individual picked is generally the healthiest and strongest female in the group - the one that all the other females are submissive to.


Family started, then what???:
A strong and lucky male may hold a top slot for as long as a decade, but more often that not the top male will die from injuries or disease long before that. And with that male's death, a new male, from outside the pack, will be recruited and a complete out-cross achieved.


Single mama now?  What to do?:
This doesn't happen overnight. A new Alpha doesn't just "get to claim territory,"The Alpha Female of the pack, will let a new alpha male spend about 6 hours, bowing, flexing, strutting, sniffing, and facing down all the females in the pack before he is deemed to be big enough, strong enough, friendly enough, and smart enough to be the leader. And in the end, the older, but still fertile, alpha female can be won over and the old leader's slot be handed to him.


I hope this resonates with you. 

Single ladies,

Stop hunting for your pack leader.  When you're approached by a man, let him bow, flex, strut and all that.  Let him work to get your approval.  Don't just make him leader because he's the first one that comes around!!!  

Read more about wolf behavior here: Dominance Creates and Maintains Wolf Packs

I would love to get your feedback- please leave a comment!!!