Feb 29, 2012

Destination Depression

Depression and sadness are inevitable.  They are vacation spots; resorts.  We resort to depression and sadness at times. Some trips are planned, some are not.  Visiting the depressive or sadness state is a right as well as a privilege.  No one should worry for you unless your stay exceeds normal vacation times.

So what in the world am I talking about, you ask…

I write this post to offer understanding , my understanding of some depression. The depression in response to death . 

I have no authority to write this but I have experienced depression stemming from death and my understanding comes through that and from witnessing the behavior expressed by those visiting depression recently, as response to death.  First hand experience and third party, out of the box observer absorbing, understanding and reporting my findings.

I hope to pass my understanding on to you, the reader.

The person least able to understand death-related depression are the ones who have not experienced it- whether a loss has not been experienced or the loss was not substantial enough to generate the emotive response.

What is planned depression?  It's when a monumental date is approaching and you begin to dread and even prepare for depression.  This date may be the D-Day (Death Date), the deceased person’s birthday, mother or father’s day as well as any holiday that generates the fresh emotion of hurt.  You may call this seasonal depression. 

As time passes, the amount of time spent remembering the dead as living lessens because time separates the closeness and impact the person had on our lives;  other things begin to fill the space in our lives they once resided. 

Upon a date that triggers "missing" the deceased, sadness or depression is experienced.  Depression is in a sense "personality and mood changes as the person relives a the experience of having the deceased alive, as the person relives the moment of losing that person and the self induced suffering of bearing going on without them.

This is natural.
This process may last  a day, it may last a week and may last for months.  There is no set time on the process you go through while grieving.

It just occurred to me that these depressions are like visiting the dead. 
And during depression, we do. 

There are two existences.
The dead and the living.
While visiting one the other is ignored.

You leave the living while visiting the dead.    But the choice to do so is the right of the person.  You choose with whom you interact and with who you cherish and to whom you give your thought.

Ever wondered why people are recluse at times?  Perhaps they have chosen to visit the dead.

And that is fine.  If you know for certain they are depressed and it's seemingly out of the norm, step aside and don't force yourself on that person.  Their heart, mind and soul is somewhere else for the time and that should be respected.  Don't intrude and ask questions.  Just understand. 

On the other hand they may want to talk.  Your job is to listen.  That's it.  Just listen.

It'll pass, they'll be back to normal when the time is right for them.

If you're in depression now, it'll pass.  Visit what you need to visit and then come back to the living.  You are free to be sad at anytime.  Don't let anyone take it from you.

Feb 25, 2012


Should life merely be energy, it is possible to formulate our connection to other life but not without considering that individuals express different energy that mesh with our own.  These effects are accepted to be positive or negative as these energies have been identified by others prior to my consideration. There also is a neutral.

Calculated energy can only be measured by the effect exhibited through behavior. Our energy thrives on positive energy but the negative is just as prudent.  Mathematically, the amount of positive energy needed to overcome a negative is substantial and evident through mood, visible upon the pivot in pleasures after depression.

It is interesting how my consideration remind me of religious basics which personify these energies and are worshipped and feared. How love and hate are meaningful and how virtues of pleasure or pain have been regarded as final destinations when they are constant experiences in life.

Irony and metaphors create widespread religion by fear.  Fear is but a negative emotion constructed from negative energy with promise of a positive virtue.  A religion is but a lie, considering the fundamental basis of life.

Life Considered

When life is considered, all life is similar by many common characteristics that is seen by our eye and understanding.

What is life? Life is that which is not dead; which is not rotted. Life has a beginning and an end, a birth and a death. In every form of life, energy and movement are found.

The movement and fusion of hydrogen and oxygen form water. The movement and fusion of mineral form rock, the movement of water to self sustaining seed form root and movement and fusion of sperm and egg form creature. Energy is present in movement, in fusion, in creation.

Energy is defined to be the strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity.  Would it be bold to suggest the wind itself is alive for energy is expressed in its purest form?

Life is life is life.

Life is multiplied to itself and death is the division from.

Feb 24, 2012

Death Considered

Jane Among The Ruins.

With a broken heart comes grief.  With grief comes pain and fear and loneliness and lowliness. A broken heart is caused by death.

Death is the permanent never to see, hear, touch, or smell again. The death of life, death of a relationship- destruction of common ground that caused your lives to be intertwined and the death of success, whether it be before or after achievement.

Death leaves the living in suffering with remembrance, with wrong decisions made, with blame, with arms not ready to be empty, with dreams undreamed, with plotted perfection to be had if another encounter were obtainable.

The living is left with uncounted ways of understanding the death but none to bring it back to life.

To the human death, a resurrection with uncause of death.  To the death of a relationship, the impossible erasing of disagreement, erasing the emotion experienced, resurrection of the pre-end.  The death of success, undo giving up.

Nothing is to be resurrected but the emotion surrounding the death.  The emotion is everlasting; it is the aftertaste. The emotion surrounding death is the acid in the pit of the stomach that makes it way into the esophagus and eventually the mouth, an unpleasant aftertaste with pain.

Life is built with the need of attachment but not prepared for the separation.  Life thrives on life and wilts without it.

Why are we so emotive?

"No matter how loud you shout and cry, they don't hear you anymore."

Feb 23, 2012

[video]Theocracy in America

Theocracy in America, Ten Point Vision Finalist


The role of the parent is like a farmer- from seed to reaping fruit a plant must be taken care of, nourished and weeded.  A child requires the same, for we are raising adults that will be fruitful and successful.

During childhood, we punish our children for doing what we teach them to be wrong.  But as I am considering parenting, I am coming to understand that this method of raising [soon to be] adults; we must not rely on punishment alone to grow adults.

To grow adults, we must encourage and assist the child in decision making, and how to make them correctly.

Teach them consequences and let the consequences (punishments) replicate what the child will face as an adult. Spanking, whipping, hitting the child in any way doesn't teach them anything but stronghand.  Taking something away from them for sake of payback is useless as well.  For example, if the child gets in trouble for arguing/ fighting with another student, taking away his computer is not appropriate.

If a parent's role is government and control only, the child will set out to break the rules and resent you as a parent and a pattern of conflict will consume the household.

Everything you teach your child, he'll remember for life, just like your teaching him to ride a bike.

Focus on teaching.  Guidance.  Support.  Acceptance.

Read children and the conformity circle- he'll step out of your circle to build his own-
Testing Boundaries

Boundaries of Conformity

"A parent's role is educating, not control. The child must eventually become his own adult self."

Teenagers are interesting- I note as I compare my 14 year old with who he is now to he used to be just a few years ago.  He has become his own thinking personality, his views are expanding, negotiations on fairness have elaborated and he's adamant on being who he wants to be.

Puberty births a whole new life. Before puberty, children do as told and accept others for how they are- loosely.  A child at walking and talking age begin to explore- but they don't know boundaries, they must be learned and they learn through trial and error.  The child will often test these boundaries to determine if the boundary is flexible. This is learning. Every thing a child tests builds his foundation.

Children, in general move about the social norms of the parents' standards whether or not the standards are liked.

At the age of puberty, they focus on boundaries again.

Imagine yourself standing in the center of a large circle. The circle drawn in permanent marker and cannot be changed. The circle represents law and other social standards. Standing in the center means you dont cross the lines, you dont break the laws, you conform to the boundaries.

During puberty age, a teen may begin to test laws and standards to determine whether or not they are flexible. He has also noticed that everyone's standard circle is different.  He is motivated to discover or build his own circle and may choose to experiment other circles. A parent may constantly try to pull him to stay in the circle or to force them to conform to the their liking but the teen must be valued for his newly growing self.

I, as a mother, respect that.  I know parents who will not allow their boys to grow their hair, for example.  I see no point in forcing an appearance on my child.  He knows that when he starts working that his employer may require short hair but until then, he is building his "circle."

Healthy and successful parenting comes through guidance and support, not punishment and condemnation.

A parent's role is educating not control. The child must eventually become his own adult self.

Read Understanding Parenting

Feb 22, 2012

Corporate Cutbacks

The note is to announce "by doing this we're saving a whole bunch of money!!!"
We're suppose to understand.  And care.

There's no freaking way we spend $500k on cream and sugar. 

And we don't- what they've done is sent an official notice for the disgruntled people (EVERY COFFEE DRINKER HERE) and in order to have us say "oh wow, that's a lot" they put the dollar amount $500,000 per year.   I'd place a bet that daily landscaping crew that maintains our 11 acre campus costs more that cream and sugar and they told us about them and so it could add up to $500k.

If the note was just about cream and sugar- I imagine it may cost $1 maybe $2k?

In case you missed it- we lost half and halfs and some other items went missing around the office and my speculations were vomited here: How Companies Save Money It's not much different than the actual!

We recently received some feedback from employees about some changes in the way we service our U.S. corporate offices, and we wanted to let all employees know what is changing and why.

In support of company-wide expense reduction efforts, company name has implemented some changes that will save more than $500,000 each year. Some of them are more visible than others, but all changes are being done to improve efficiency and reduce costs:

  • Break room coffee service: We will continue to provide regular and decaffeinated coffee, sugar, powdered creamer and plastic utensils. All other creamers, sweeteners and beverages will be eliminated as stock runs out. 
  • Restrooms: To reduce paper waste and expenses, we recently eliminated folded paper towels.
  • Landscaping: We will reduce our landscaping maintenance services, including seasonal plantings and improvement projects.
  • Housekeeping: We will reduce the frequency of carpet cleaning, window cleaning and exterior pressure washing. 
  • Personnel moves: In an effort to reduce costs, all office moves must now be approved by the departmental vice president and the vice president, worldwide real estate.
  • Energy management: We will continue to focus on energy management by optimizing our HVAC systems and reducing after-hours/weekend usage.
  • Miscellaneous: We will eliminate our interior plant maintenance service, and reduce painting and other non-essential maintenance items.
Small changes can add up to big savings. Thank you for your understanding and support as we look for ways to Spend Less, while still providing a safe, well-maintained and productive office environment for employees and visitors.

Feb 17, 2012

Rude Noisemaker

I was sitting on the balcony, four stories up which overlooks the front parking lot at work. 

Today, the sun is warm and makes its vitamin offering hard to deny.

Up until this moment, I was involved in reading and I was very content.  That's when a noise draws my attention down to the parking lot, down to a lady who is proudly returning to work with a white paper bag that swings about because of her unsteady stride. 

The sound was like gift opening time during the holidays and all that is missing is laughter.  This was no time for laughter and laughter knew it.

We never know the effect we have on others.  We seem to only experience our piece. 

This lady annoyed me by her noise-making and in my mind, she is ignorant and disrespectful for pulling my attention from Kindle and demanding I watch her walk and she was clueless of her power.

The Religious Series- Part I- Childhood

As I recall, my parents did not infect my mind with any religious influence, ever.


When I was about 9, Vacation Bible School seemed super fun- since all the kids were doing it.  There was a Christian Flag and an allegiance to be pledged.. Stuff to memorize.  Church was a club... "ooooh," I thought, "I want to be in a club!!!"

So, I started going to church (Baptist Church) with the old lady next door, Ms Martin. Mama bought me a dress and I'm pretty sure I wore the same one every time I went to church. (I bet the congregation thought "oh, that poor girl who comes with Ms Martin...")

I was concerned about being a church member:  How did I get to be one... and should I get baptised... this church had a pool behind the alter... sometimes I'd sneak to look at it.  I associated it with funerals so I didn't want to get baptized...
For then on, I told people I was a Baptist-- for the next 10 years!  I probably went a hand full of time and attend two or three summer camps- I guess that's all it takes.

We moved when I was eleven and after making friends with my neighbor, Jennifer- I went to church with her a lot.  They were Pentecostal Holiness. 

Don't know much about the preaching of either churches- during my childhood years.  All I can say is that religion has always had my attention and NO ONE could tell me who God's mama was or who made him. 

That seemed to be the mystery that stumped me and no one cared.

Feb 13, 2012

When the BUT Shows Up

Paul and I ended our relationship this week- last year... the first time ending it.
I stood up for what I believed in and he got all mad and quit talking to me.

Before that night, Paul was my dream guy:

1)  He traveled (so he wasn't up my rear 24/7)
2)  He was a service person- meaning he did stuff for me and doers are very important because if you are going to come close to winning my heart, you must be able to show me (naturally) that you can take care of my family and me.
3)  He was FUN to be around- it was like my tomboy childhood hanging out with my daddy.  I had all kinds of respect for this guy.
4)  He farmed.  Gave us beef... all about non grocery store cuts :)
5)  He was into being self sufficient.  I was too.  and we would dream build together.
6)  He was so pleasing to look at, took my breath away the first time we met (after 15 years... we went to high school together).

Paul was my fantasy come true.  Until he showed me that "BUT."  "But," you ask? 

If you don't know what I mean by that, this is where you see it:  It appears in these statements:  "I like everything about him but....."

But means there's something about him that doesn't suit your fancy and Paul showed it to me.

Sometimes BUTS are okay and I'll give you some examples:
A)  I like him BUT he drives a Toyota
B)  He looks good BUT he needs a haircut

You get the point?  The BUTS that are okay are the ones you don't mind tolerating; not the ones he wants you to accept.

We all have BUTS.  We all have to learn to accept people even with their differences. 
Just do not ever accept it because he forces you too.

Love yourself first.  If he leaves because of your values- let him.  No matter how much it hurts.

This is very hard advice because I grieved losing him.  I hated myself, even for standing up about the "issue."

BUT by doing so I learned another BUT... I wanted to work things out BUT he ignored me for 4 months.........

There are ALWAYS going to be BUTS.  Count on it.

Feb 8, 2012

If Quitting Was Easy Then Everyone Would Have Stopped by Now

Hi, My name is petpisces. I'm a cigarette addict, 39days clean.


First, if quitting smoking was easy then everyone would have stopped by now.

It's week 6 without.  I haven't smoked all year... There is a cheering section and the crowd goes wild as if each day I go without smoking I'm scoring touchdowns.

I don't like this sport; I don't like being without cigarettes- but I appear to be good at it.

Let me tell you what makes this so difficult- 39 days away from cigarettes-

I smoked Misty menthol 120's.  They were long, slim and refreshing- not at all strong.

Misty-It's a girl's name.  My cigarettes have been personified.  She is my friend and I have a relationship with her.  I'm attached.  I'm 34 and this relationship is the longest relationship I've ever had.  I began smoking at 17.

My boyfriend and I broke up in December.  I was heart broken.  I cried.  But losing Misty hurts worse.


Because I killed her.  She's dead.  No longer in my life.  I can NEVER EVER see her again.  This has caused my depression.

So I threaten to dig up her grave.
As if her rotting bones would make me smile again.

So what's the big deal?  The deal is I have categorized the cigarette loss over there with the loss of my parents.  Misty joined my parents in the afterlife.  No longer with me, here on earth. 

That's the big deal.  I have an emotional attachment to smoking!

So if you nag someone constantly to quit and you can't understand why- I'm pretty sure they are emotionally attached to it just like me. 

I continue to not smoke.  I signed up to join the non smoking crowd.

Guess what it's gotten me so far!

*  My hair, clothes, overall self smells good.

*  I don't get sleepy throughout the day because I'm not depriving my body of oxygen every hour or so.

*  I don't sleep solid throughout the night because the effects of Chantix are weird.

*  I can't talk on the phone.  At all.  Without obsessing about not smoking.

*  I'm one of the "snoody peoples" now; I turn my nose up at smokers who are near me.  I'm sure I seem judgemental but really- it's NASTY and I don't smell like that anymore.

My name is petpisces. I'm a cigarette addict, 39 days clean.


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