If Quitting Was Easy Then Everyone Would Have Stopped by Now

Hi, My name is petpisces. I'm a cigarette addict, 39days clean.

Clean!?!

First, if quitting smoking was easy then everyone would have stopped by now.

It's week 6 without.  I haven't smoked all year... There is a cheering section and the crowd goes wild as if each day I go without smoking I'm scoring touchdowns.

I don't like this sport; I don't like being without cigarettes- but I appear to be good at it.

Let me tell you what makes this so difficult- 39 days away from cigarettes-

I smoked Misty menthol 120's.  They were long, slim and refreshing- not at all strong.

Misty-It's a girl's name.  My cigarettes have been personified.  She is my friend and I have a relationship with her.  I'm attached.  I'm 34 and this relationship is the longest relationship I've ever had.  I began smoking at 17.

My boyfriend and I broke up in December.  I was heart broken.  I cried.  But losing Misty hurts worse.

Why?

Because I killed her.  She's dead.  No longer in my life.  I can NEVER EVER see her again.  This has caused my depression.

So I threaten to dig up her grave.
As if her rotting bones would make me smile again.

So what's the big deal?  The deal is I have categorized the cigarette loss over there with the loss of my parents.  Misty joined my parents in the afterlife.  No longer with me, here on earth. 

That's the big deal.  I have an emotional attachment to smoking!

So if you nag someone constantly to quit and you can't understand why- I'm pretty sure they are emotionally attached to it just like me. 

I continue to not smoke.  I signed up to join the non smoking crowd.

Guess what it's gotten me so far!

*  My hair, clothes, overall self smells good.

*  I don't get sleepy throughout the day because I'm not depriving my body of oxygen every hour or so.

*  I don't sleep solid throughout the night because the effects of Chantix are weird.

*  I can't talk on the phone.  At all.  Without obsessing about not smoking.

*  I'm one of the "snoody peoples" now; I turn my nose up at smokers who are near me.  I'm sure I seem judgemental but really- it's NASTY and I don't smell like that anymore.

My name is petpisces. I'm a cigarette addict, 39 days clean.